Life


On July 21st, 2006, four years ago today, my beloved daddy died. In the spring of 2007, just a few months later, I started blogging. The two things are inextricably linked.

After several months of mentally curling up into a ball and wanting not to be … I needed a place to think what I was thinking; to feel what I was feeling; and to question what I was questioning.

This blog became that for me … and more:

  • It helps me be who I am and become who I am becoming
  • It helps me to feel what I feel
  • It helps me question what I believe and remember what I know
  • It takes me deeper into myself; into God; into living

In a way … it saved (and is saving) my life.

Maybe you think that’s a bit dramatic, a bit over the top … but what I was doing in the latter months of 2006 wasn’t living … it was existing, marking time. And who knows how long that limbo would have lasted, but my very good friend and spiritual mentor, Jon, suggested that I take up blogging – and I started writing …

  • and talking
  • and praying
  • and responding
  • and feeling
  • and healing

And even these days, from this healthier place, the weeks and months when I don’t have time (or think I don’t have time) to write, I start to free fall back into that half-life … existing without living.

** This post is an entry in the can writing keep us well – group project hosted by Confident Writing.

I know that it’s a little off-kilter to be writing a goals post in July – but for me, I’ve decided that July is the new January.

I’m a teacher and Christmas break is just enough time to catch my breath – to recover from an arduous semester of teaching – no time to write goals, much less to live them out in January, right when the insanity begins again full force.

But now … now I’ve been off for a month. I’ve had time to think and to veg and to watch too much tv; time to do a little desultory house cleaning and cook some actual meals in between the frozen pizzas and the fish sticks; time to remember that time is running out. My brain is officially revived … revived sufficiently to choose my three words for 2011 …

And they are …

Drum roll please …

just do it
This life is a funny tension between look ahead and live now and I’m longing for a better balance between the two. I want to keep working toward my dreams, but live in the moment and experience now.

Right now, Robb and I are teacher/missionaries in Portugal (read about it here), but we don’t believe it is forever … so, looking ahead, I see two things: professional writing (and maybe speaking) and ministry among refugees and immigrants.

Two things to just do

  • submit a minimum of 2 articles per month for publication (print or web)
  • get certified to teach English as a Foreign Language (BONUS – this fulfills both look ahead and live now!)

The other side of just do it is to stop procrastinating:

  • don’t save that email to deal with later – just do it
  • write that birthday card today
  • clean up the supper dishes now
  • put the clothes away immediately
  • read or delete
  • don’t think about, write about, talk about, obsess about what I should be doing as wife/mother/teacher/friend; just do it … or let it go.

Check back in January … maybe by then I’ll have made some progress.

When my girls were 3 and 5, long before either of them was reading, they came up with this serendipity using magnetic poetry tiles.

Today, I was reading in Psalm 36:

9 For with you is the fountain of life;
       in your light we see light.

And I don’t know about you, but on this end of 
                                                                                things big light is still the wish.

For more thoughts on life see:
Life
Life: the power of labels

Labels give you the incentive to stretch to what you could be . . .

                                                               . . . or the excuse to remain less than who you are.

Life is a journey away from, then back toward, oneself.