So, on the advice of my wise pastor/friend Jon, I have been praying, why doesn’t your yoke feel easy and your burden light?

You’re afraid.

I’m afraid?  I didn’t think I was afraid.  I’ve never considered myself to be a particularly fearful person.  But when I examined it I realized it was true and when I asked myself what I was a afraid of the answer was basically, whatcha got?  I’ve been afraid because of financial pressures, I’ve been afraid what’s going to happen at FMC now in this big transition.  I’ve been afraid that I’m going to forget something important or drop the ball in a big way.  I’ve been afraid of what people will think of me.  I’ve been afraid that saying good-bye is not over for me – which, of course, it’s not, because saying good-bye is part of life.  I’ve been afraid in that David-way that He will hide His face from me or take His presence from me.

So, this week, I’ve been asking God to teach me how to release these fears, how to trust Him and not lean on my own understanding.

So far, this has been His response.  On Tuesday, He sent us a big pile of money out of the blue.  On Wednesday, He told me very clearly that He loves the people at FMC much more that I do.  On Thursday He directed me to Psalm 27:

The Lord is my light and my salvation
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life
    of whom shall I be afraid?

One thing I ask of the Lord
    this is what I seek
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek Him in His temple.

For in the day of trouble
    He will keep me safe in His dwelling;
He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle
    and set me high upon a rock. . .
At His tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy
    I will sing and make music to the Lord

 . . . I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living
Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.

And I feel lighter.  And I feel the joy returning.

What does Friday have in store?, I wonder with great anticipation.

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