April 28, 2008
Before I started kindergarten, I was Anna Marie. But the kids and teachers at school all called me Anna, and, try as I might, I couldn’t get them to stop. All through school I was Anna Marie at home, among family friends and to the older people at church and Anna everywhere else.
Then, after I got married and moved to a new community and started a new job, I tried a funny experiment. When I filled out the application, I wrote Annamarie. And suddenly I was Anna Marie again to a whole group of people. I had reinvented myself in a small way or maybe I had found myself again.
I’ve been thinking about new beginnings lately because there is a very good possibility that my family will be moving in the fall, possibly across the country, maybe even across the ocean, or maybe just a couple towns away.
This idea of new is very seductive to me. I’ve been thinking about how a major move will force me to drastically cull our possessions. What a freeing thought. And I’ve been further thinking that new neighbors, new friends, new church, new opportunities, new ministries will give me the opportunity to reinvent myself to become more the one I’d like to be. Or maybe it gives me the opportunity to find myself again and become more who I’ve always been and have lost in the chaos of my noisy life.
But. Why do I have to wait for a move to rid my life of physical and metaphorical clutter? Can’t I pare down my possessions for no other reason than the fact that I want more space in my life? Can’t I start being who I want to be and ignore the ones who try to fit me into last year’s box? Can’t I put down the baggage of old assumptions and take up the knapsack of my dreams?
What do you think? What would you do differently if you were starting over? What stops you from doing it now?
April 28, 2008 at 11:51 am
I would not collect so much. I would throw way more. Even this weekend as I cleaned - I was in a throw away mode, and got rid of a few piles. And I would exercise more and get into shape. I too am making some changes. I’m changing jobs, and so will be driving 25 miles northeast instead of 20 miles south of my home. This takes me to a different town, even though I’ll enter the same driveway at the end of the day. So, another chance to be the real me, and let others like me for who I really am.
I’ll be praying for you in your future changes.
Jonell
April 28, 2008 at 2:01 pm
when someone said of my new office, “this is starting to look like your office,” it was both a good thing and a not good thing. Good thing is comfort. Bad thing is that it means that at least part of me moved to the new place.
There were some things that I though would naturally come. It turns out, i need to decide to refine them. And that could have happened without the new.
inside out rather than outside in.
but this is only about me. I think.
April 28, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Jonelle, It really takes concerted effort to keep out the the acquiring mode, doesn’t it? Thanks for the prayers, and I’ll do the same for you.
Jon, It is most certainly not only you. Maybe “new” just brings intentionality to the surface …
April 28, 2008 at 3:19 pm
The only trick about being someone different is that everyone knows who you used to be. I get judged (as do we all) by what I used to do, not by what I plan to do next.
And yet, I try, and I *do* and let the *do* catch up to who I used to be.
April 29, 2008 at 4:43 pm
There’s only one time I’ve ever gone somewhere where no one knew me from before. (I guess that’s what I get for going to a Missionary Church college after growing up quizzing, right?) I think, perhaps, this is why I want a job that’s not in Grand Rapids …
And having moved 5 times in the last 3 years, I’ve continually had a box to get rid of. And I regularly add to it. It’s amazing how much junk I have.
April 30, 2008 at 10:22 pm
I don’t know that I’d do anything differently. But I do like to do new things every so often - choosing something I know nothing about and plunging in. Change helps us see the world anew, like a two-year old going for a walk in the back yard. Every blade of grass is interesting, every ant and dandelion.
I would like to use your essay, or at least that last part of it, as a writing prompt for my class!
May 2, 2008 at 9:04 am
I love fresh starts! But I realize that reality doesn’t always allow for perfection. Having said that, I think it’s a perfectionist tendency that may keep me from paring out life’s “clutter” in the place I am now, rather than waiting for the allusive fresh, new place from where to start. I’d like to think I’m getting better at “doing the next thing” rather than always waiting for the fresh start. (However, I will continue to love Mondays and mornings for the fresh start they provide!)
May 10, 2008 at 9:15 am
When I’ve spoken to MOPS groups, I warn against living in “if only” land, where we think that we can’t really begin to grow as we want until some elusive future time when conditions are just right. Focusing on the here and now, asking, “What can I do TODAY?” is the key to making good steady change in the right direction. So I keep telling myself, “Just spend 30 minutes in the garden today…don’t worry that it needs many hours to get it in order. Just do something NOW.” And once in a while I even take my own advice. Sigh.
August 1, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Cool thoughts Anna
Hope you’ll pop by mine
at Liturgy
http://www.liturgy.co.nz
Let me know if you are interested in linking.